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Channel: The Larely Beagle - The Community Newspaper of Larely, California » Movies
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Critics Suspect Cabela’s Secretly Financing Movie “Brotherhood of the...

Hollywood, CA – As more plot details continue to be leaked from the set of the movie “The Brotherhoold of the Traveling Shpants”, many critics are starting to suspect the movie is being secretly funded...

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Local Porn Star Worried About Being Typecast as “Guy with Huge Cock”

Larely, CA – When Maverick McSpunk first came on to the adult film scene a year ago, the world was a giant clam, laid out in front of him.  He didn’t have a care in the world as he woke up every day...

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Dr. Emmett Brown Wins Nobel Prize for Successfully Setting All His Clocks 25...

Stockholm, Sweden – On one of the biggest days of the year for the field of Physics, Dr. Emmett Brown was awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics today for his experiment in which he successfully set all of...

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“Surviving The Game” Writer Still Regrets Killing Gary Busey’s Character First

Hollywood, CA – In a recent interview given to “The Larely Weekender”, screenwriter Eric Bernt lamented his decision to make Gary Busey the first character to die-off in his movie, “Surviving the...

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Key Grip Not Sure What He’s Supposed to be Doing

Hollywood, CA – Charlie Johnstone was hired to be the Key Grip on the new Paramount Pictures movie, “Transcendental Force”, starring Randy Quaid.  However, after two full weeks of filming, he still has...

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UC-Larely Professors Collaborate to Prove it’s Impossible for Softcore Porn...

Larely, CA – In an unprecedented showing of inter-departmental collaboration, professors from UC-Larely’s Geometry, Physics, and Biology Departments have recently completed a six month long study that...

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Ten Years Later, Science in “Armageddon” Still Holds Up

Viewing a movie ten years after its release will make a person realize that certain things can become dated. Fashions change, styles change, even the cars on the street change. However, ten years after...

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Lack of Fall Blockbuster Movies Means Winter Coming Early This Year

Hollywood, CA – Members of both the Broadcast Film Critics Association and the American Meteorological Society held a press conference this morning to announce that the lack of Blockbuster movies this...

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Fluffers Union to Sue Maker of Viagra Over Lost Jobs

Chatsworth District, Los Angeles, CA – The pharmaceutical industry is expected to be caught up in a wave of negative publicity today after the Fluffers Union of America filed a lawsuit against Pfizer,...

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Teenager Regrets Masturbating to Megan Fox’s Wonder Woman Poster After...

Larely, CA – Fourteen year old Jon Graham expressed a deep regret today for masturbating to the movie poster of “Wonder Woman” featuring Megan Fox after it was determined the picture was a fake, and...

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Ikea to Make $79 Casting Couch

Almhult, Sweden – In an agressive effort to earn a large share of the casting couch market, furniture giant Ikea announced today that it would begin selling a $79 casting couch on January 1, 2009. The...

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Football Movie to Feature Hits that Aren’t All Back Breaking

Hollywood, CA – In a risky move that, if successful, could revolutionize the football movie genre, movie director Michael Bay’s new football movie will actually feature tackles that aren’t all back...

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Larely Association of Women Professionals Names Tara Reid its “2008 Woman of...

Larely, CA – The Larely Association of Women Professionals honored actress Tara Reid as its “2008 Woman of the Year” today at its annual banquet held at Larely’s Red Roof Inn. The award is presented...

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Madame Tussaud’s Leather Museum to Open with Clint Eastwood as Inaugural...

London, England – Looking to branch out from its wax sculpture roots, Madame Tussauds Museum announced today that they will soon be opening a new Leather Museum and that a figure of actor Clint...

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U.S. Navy to Erect Memorial Statue for Nick “Goose” Bradshaw

MCAS Miramar, San Diego, CA – The U.S. Navy announced today that they will be creating a memorial statue for Lt. Nick “Goose” Bradshaw, a Radar Intercept Officer [RIO] who was killed during a TOPGUN...

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Pope Denounces “Angels and Demons” for Being Shitty Movie

Vatican City – Standing in his usual library window overlooking St. Peter’s Square (Piazza San Pietro), Pope Benedict XVI addressed a crowd of over 100,000 people today to denounce the movie “Angels...

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58 Dead in Larely After Subway Hijacking Mistaken for “Taking of Pelham 123″...

Larely, CA – The city of Larely is having to answer some serious questions today after 58 people were killed when a bomb was detonated on a subway car just east of Larely Parkway. Apparently, the...

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Kmart Sues Rain Man for Slander Over “Kmart Sucks!” Comment

Hoffman Estates, IL – In what is sure to become a very high profile case, Kmart, a subsidiary of the Sears Holding Corporation, has filed a lawsuit against Raymond “Rain Man” Babbitt. The company...

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Kevin Costner Earns Asterisk After Admitting He Juiced for “Bull Durham”

Beverly Hills, CA – The American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was forced to hand down a harsh punishment to one of its Oscar winning directors this week when Kevin Costner* revealed that...

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“Avatar” Nominated for Record Nine Independent Spirit Awards

Los Angeles, California – Today proved to be a great day for James Cameron and his latest low-budget creation “Avatar”, as it was nominated for a record nine Independent Spirit Awards, including “Best...

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U.S. Flags to Fly at Half Staff in Honor of Corey Haim

Washington, D.C. – President Obama issued an executive order today for United States’ flag to be flown at half staff for the next thirty days to both mourn the loss and respect the memory of actor...

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